the fear and joy are one

the flower keeps unfolding 
til the center shows itself 
delicate and fertile 
the most vulnerable part 
i am swooning in the fragrance 
of blossoming and sweetness

and it's a free-fall 
and the fear and joy are one 
i am heavy on the stem

... i wrote that in the midst of one of the shortest and most intense romances i've been involved in... it was beautiful for one week, then faded and ended before the end of the second. i don't regret anything. it was amazing to meet someone so truly, so openly, so innocently... of course that cannot last. we all have our pasts and our fears and our ways of organizing our realities to reduce risk, of sabotaging the things we fear losing. the irony is that i've done that a million times, but this time i was on the other side, open and ready when the door slammed shut.

but i won't be more cautious next time. on the contrary. it's better to feel it all even if the lows are lower when the high is transcendant.

Lauren Hoffman