fuck it

so, i'm starting to get scolded for not updating my journal. i have written a journal entry since december, i just didn't put it on the site. 
it said

"wow... reading my last entry ... i was so happy and enthusiastic! ... it just goes to show me that i have really extreme ups and downs. i'm feeling very even right now, but over the last few years it seems i'm always either ecstatic or entirely morose. i don't really want to live like that. especially since the meloncholy far outweighs the joy."

and then it spiralled down into a quagmire of pissing and moaning which i will spare you.

i came to a realization around that time; i realized that i can't run a record label and produce records and be a performing songwriter all at the same time and do any of them justice. so i decided not to run free union records anymore and to focus on my career as a singer, songwriter, producer and engineer. 
the label will still exist, my friend matt is going to take over where i left off. he's a really cool guy and i have a lot of faith in him. and it's given me a new enthusiasm to know that he's going to be doing it.

since that last entry, things have changed. joy has thankfully outweighed the meloncholy. it has something to do with the closing statment of the entry:

"i have a new philosophy. 
it's called 
'fuck it' 
not like 'fuck you' or 'fuck it all', not agressive or passive-agressive, just live-and-let-live and be-here-now and i-could-die-tomorrow-so-
fuck-it
it's very freeing."

it's sometimes hard not to take things too seriously. when you realize that 99 percent of your suffering is self-inflicted, that it's only a matter of choosing not to make yourself suffer, then the world becomes a much more beautiful place.

today, my world is sleeping beneath a blanket of snow. karmen and i are taking the day off from working on finishing her album. two days ago i wrote a new song. life is good.